For twenty years I let my trauma rule my life. I was only nine years old when I lost my sister in a tragic accident which I witnessed along with my father and brother. Our family collapsed in many ways, and I built an armor of protection to be able to cope.
It resulted in depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem and a general shutdown of my feelings.
After many years I realized that only by lowering that armor could the wounds of my past heal. It was tough, because I fundamentally missed and didn't know the most important thing that was needed for this: confidence in myself. Listen to myself. Allowing and learning to FEEL emotions. A positive dialogue with my own inner self. I had just taught myself to hide my inner self, and above all to do what others wanted me to do. Anything to make me feel safe.
I could understand it all rationally, but there was just a thick layer between me and my feelings.
It was scary, but I couldn't go on like this any longer, I felt helpless, tired, always had a stomachache, always swimming against the stream with that little voice in my head “You have to do better, you have to do more… you have to be different…”
I was exhausted.
So I took the plunge. I stepped out from behind my wall and feelings of panic, sadness and fear all came, as well as friendship, happiness, recognition and support. And that was a revelation! I didn't go into therapy for the first time until I was 36, where I improved a lot in no time, and since I found RTT it felt like a blank slate. A new beginning!
At 41 I am happier, calmer and more stable than ever, I am happily married and feel blessed to be the mom of two amazing kids. I can rely on myself and when a shit storm comes over me, I support myself unconditionally.
And if I can do it, so can you!
I know what it's like to no longer believe in light at the end of the tunnel. I know what it's like to hate your body, to not be able to handle food normally, and always be in pain somewhere. I know better than anyone that critical voice that pushes you to the limit.
Yet it is not how we are supposed to be, and how we were once born. We are all born with the full confidence of being loved, cared for and supported. We fall on our diaper bottoms a thousand times when we learn to walk, and yet we keep trying because we naturally have that confidence in us. We learn to walk, talk and much more, and anyone who watches that as an adult knows how admirably fast and well that goes! But every child will start to doubt himself if it is constantly ignored or rejected by experience. It will become increasingly easier to predict, recognize, and confirm a negative belief.
It is my mission to reconnect you with this natural trust, so that you are no longer defined by a learned hateful voice.
During the trajectory with me you learn to have a healthy conversation with yourself every day and how to become your own friend, coach and supporter again, who always supports you with everything that comes with this: the good, the bad and the ugly.
I have seen this become reality so many times - starting with myself - that I absolutely dare to say: You can do this too!